Last week, Allen & I had the amazing privilege of attending Connect, our annual marriage retreat - for couples in business together - at the majestic Winshape Retreat Center in Rome, Georgia. It began 5 years ago as a marriage retreat specifically for photographers. Wow! Then it evolved into "for couples in business together". Even more "wow"! It's been eye-opening to see that no matter business a husband and wife team are running together, the struggles are all pretty similar. Working together definitely has its own set of unique challenges...and blessings, of course. I mean...you get to sneak a kiss any time you want. Hee-Hee
So, this was our 4th year attending. We missed year 3, because we took our kids out West! No regrets, whatsoever! That was a trip of a lifetime too! Anyhow, each year, we walk away from this retreat in absolute awe of God and the new things He is doing in our marriage and in so many other marriages as well. We knew going into it to expect God to blow our minds, and of course He never disappoints. After all, He says He can do MORE than we can ask or imagine! Ain't that the truth?
Last year, God directed us to begin our Marriage Mondays posts after Connect. We just cant wait to see what new adventures await us this year, as a result of Connect. For now, we wanted to share with you something vital that we learned at the retreat. Of all the things we learned, this one may just be the most important. It seems everything else we learned hinges on this one.
It began with a game...a game of 55 couples standing in a field and told to pair up with another couple. We were about to find out that it didn't matter which couple we paired with. LOL. They had us form lines of 4 & pretend to be a bobsled team -with swishing arms, making swishing noises and walking around in circles, trying not to run into each other (That was the goal). Haha! What a sight we were! We had several instructions, such as "Switch", "Change" and "Reverse". "Switch" meant the 2 people in middle switched places. "Change" meant the person from the back came to the front, and "Reverse", well, obviously meant that we all turned around so the back become the front. Okay, now that you have the idea, there we were swishing along, thinking, 'We've got this! No problem!' Then...a new direction was given. When the direction giver yells "CRASH!", we were to disband immediately and find a new couple to 'bobsled' with (but always, always - we were to stay with our spouse!). Easier than it sounds. At times, it seemed some couples couldn't find anyone to pair up with. They were left...alone, looking for another couple to come alongside them so they could continue their journey. A few times, the leaders would have to step in and find a couple on the other side of the group and pair them up. Both couples were in need of another but couldn't find the other to join with...too many distractions and too much noise in between them. Hmmm.
I bet you wonder where in the world I am going with this, right? Or maybe you've guessed it already. Well, after 'crashing' 4 or 5 times & changing up pairs, we got in a big circle and discussed what we learned. It's always so incredible what you can learn from a simple game, especially at Winshape!
The main thing that came out of this though, was that when the couples who couldn't find anyone to pair up with were left stranded, they could have....CALLED OUT FOR HELP! Whoa! Now why didn't we think of this? You could hear a bunch of loud sighs when that was said, because this has such a beautiful application to our marriages. Sometimes in our marriage, we are going to feel stranded and isolated and feel like giving up. Sometimes we will feel as if no one has ever gone thru what we are going thru and that no one else will understand, but...in those times, we may just need to call out for help. There may be another couple just waiting to encourage you in your marriage and cheer you on. They may just not know you need help. How can anyone help if you don't give them the chance? In addition, I noticed that it was hard for me to stay focused on my own 'bobsled' if I noticed others were stranded. I wanted so desperately to help them but didn't know how. It was a good reminder to me that many times someone really is just waiting to help and simply just needs to be asked.
We couldn't wait to get back and share this (and so much more each week) with all of you. There is so much help for your hurting marriages. Just ask for it. Giving up is not the answer (we know that can be tempting, but this child of divorce knows that the consequences just aren't worth it). Knowing how to fight for your marriage can be challenging though, especially if you've never seen it modeled for you. You may not even know it's possible, but it is. If we didn't believe that before this week (but we did), we sure do now. After hearing the redemption stories of many of the marriages this week, our minds were blown, yet again. God is certainly in the restoration business, but those marriages that were restored had to reach out for help first. Others can't help with the process if they don't know one needs help.
So we just wanted to encourage you that if you're struggling as a couple, CALL OUT FOR HELP! Please, please don't wait until it's too late. There are so many waiting to help. Okay, and lastly, just wanted to caution you to be careful who you call out to for help. Be sure you call out to someone safe, who is for your marriage and not against it. Calling out for help as a couple, to someone who wants to see your marriage succeed and knows how to make a marriage work, is certainly the best case scenario! We wanted to leave you with a few resources that may point you in the right direction. And if you're still not sure, reach out to us privately via email. We would be honored to encourage you in your marriage and point you in the direction of help.
Cheering you on,
Allen & Carol
Just a few resources for hurting marriages, where we have found great counsel and help:
Allen and I had the most amazing weekend! We attended a marriage conference in Jacksonville Florida……….